A
year ago, when Phil Mickelson won the Masters, he lost something almost as
significant—the title “best player never to win a major championship.” Lefty
thereby joined the relieved ranks of David Duval (2001), Mark O’Meara (1998),
Davis Love III (1997), Tom Kite (1992), Greg Norman (1986) and Ben Crenshaw
(1984) in shedding an unofficial title obnoxiously
decreed and disseminated by self-important scribes like
me.
Well,
thank heavens, there is now no obvious successor, at least not stateside. Go
ahead, try to name Mickelson’s heir. You couldn’t nominate Kenny Perry, could
you? Brad Faxon? Jay Haas? John Cook? The best I could come up with was, gulp,
Scott Hoch.
In
Europe, there’s always dear old Monty, but
frankly I don’t think he deserves that much credit. I mean, how can he be the
best player never to win a major when he is barely the best player never to win
a tour event on American soil? There’s Sergio Garcia, I suppose, but he’s a bit
young.
Anyway,
it’s time we became a bit less nasty, a bit more positive, don’t you think? And
so, rather than train our merciless microscope on the hapless underachievers,
let’s instead consider the inexplicably victorious. Yes, my fellow Americans,
ask not who is the best player never to win a major; ask who is the worst player
to have won one!
Or
at least allow me to ask. Let’s look at the four majors one by one and weed out
the weakest links.
The
Masters
Maybe
it’s the small elite field, where nearly everyone is a proven winner. Maybe it’s
the fact that the course usually takes some knowing—and thus several well-earned
invitations—before victory comes. Whatever the reason, there are no Humpty
Dumpties on the list of Masters champs.
The
two least distinguished are probably Charlie Coody, who birdied two of the last
four holes in 1971 to edge Jack Nicklaus and Johnny Miller, but won only two
other events in his whole career; and Tommy Aaron, who won only three other
titles. But two of those were the prestigious Canadian Open and the Lancome
Trophy. Besides, Aaron, like Coody, went on to win on the Champions Tour, and he
also holds the Masters record as the oldest guy ever to make the cut, at age 63.
Bottom line, the green jacket doesn’t go onto shoulders that slouch.
The
U.S. Open
Here
we come to some powerfully weak winners. Andy North, of course, gets a lot of
abuse, but he doesn’t deserve it. After all, he won our national championship
not once but twice—1978 and 1985. Think of him as the worst player to win two
majors. Jack Fleck also takes a pounding from the pundits, but his record is far
from shameful—two victories besides his gritty playoff win over Hogan in
1955.
No,
the battle for Worst First at the Open comes down to two players. In 1969, burly
Orville Moody, the crosshand-putting Army sergeant, came from nowhere to beat
everyone at Champions Golf Club in Houston, then returned immediately to
obscurity. However, in my view the Sarge is narrowly outranked by the champion
of 1935.
That
year’s Open was played at Oakmont, and incredibly, despite a field that included
Gene Sarazen, Walter Hagen, Tommy Armour and the like, the prize went to
University of Pittsburgh graduate Sam Parks Jr. Parks had used his connections
to play practice rounds on the home course for weeks and it paid off. In spite
of an inglorious 299 total—including a final round of 76—he squeaked through for
the only win of his career. In less than a decade Parks would be out of golf,
working in sales for U.S. Steel.
